Wins and Losses

A while ago someone told me that “winners never quit”. This stuck with me because the same person also had an inability to quit arguments. The need to supply the last word can be powerful. While determination is a good quality, there are times when a single minded determination causes a breakdown that is either personal or related to others. More often than not, never giving up in the context of an argument or debate brings a measure of failure.

There are many kinds of wins and losses. Some losses are inevitable. For example, we all lose aspects of ourselves with the passage of time and ultimately we lose our life. Both wins and losses almost always come with the help of influences outside of our control. Furthermore, it is impossible to truly have one without the context of the other. Winning and losing are bound together and require a perspective. Without perspective there is little judgement and little learning. A person who believes he or she never loses is a person in denial.

As challenging as some losses are, and there are many we do not want, greater reflection and learning usually comes from these circumstances. Sometimes the loss is so great that we need the strength of others. This is not weakness but rather growth. We become bigger people, in a spiritual sense, by reaching out to others. While experiences differ, there is always someone else in the same boat and many others with special abilities (e.g. a nurturer, a listener, an organizer etc.). Finally, while the phrase “winners never quit” can be attributed to a self help author and later associated with a football coach, it may be clever to keep reading for more balanced wisdom.

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
– Henry David Thoreau